If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
