just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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