If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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