you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
