Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
