Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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