Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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