So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
