Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
