There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
