They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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