K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
