i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
