Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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