i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
