I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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