When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
