How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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