Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We talked him into tasing himself.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
And then he peed in my hair
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