If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
