great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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