you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
