You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
