you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
