I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
