I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
