Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
