I just made out with a guy for $7.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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