I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
