I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
