If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
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