I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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