I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I need to sanitize my soul.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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