He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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