i already hear my dad disowning me
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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