can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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