A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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