Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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