I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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