: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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