The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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