I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
