hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
