So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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