She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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