I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
