I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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