Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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