if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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