drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
