i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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